


Malignancy

by Sustrai



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Cancer/sickness au, M/M, Re-upload, So if you've seen this before that's why yo, Well I mean that's canon but, hospital au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6235726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sustrai/pseuds/Sustrai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The patient is another boy, but this one is older. Significantly older, actually. In fact, he looks about your age. <br/>He has thinning white hair, and he’s far skinnier than you.<br/>You idly wonder what he’s doing in the children’s ward, but really it doesn’t matter. He’s here, and that’s that.</p><p> </p><p>AU in which Komaeda is a disconcerting cancer patient and Hinata is a frustrated volunteer.<br/>Re-uploaded!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Visit

**Author's Note:**

> Hey let's play a game, it's called 'How many series can I write at one time?'
> 
> But yeah. This is a re-upload. I took the original down because...reasons. If you're curious, feel free to ask about it on my Tumblr or w/e but it really isn't important, aha.  
> Please enjoy!

~*~  
You enjoy your job, you really do. 

But if you had a pick a sub-type of patients you were not fond of, you would say it were those who were nearing death. Some were bitter, others quietly, calmly accepting, but the worst were the unresponsive.  
No ‘thank you’ when you delivered their meals, and when it came time for you to chat for a short while they would stare blankly at you, sometimes unable to form responses, but usually unwilling.

~*~

Today, you’ve been assigned the children’s cancer ward. You haven’t been there before, and if you had a choice in the matter you wouldn’t go there at any point.   
You think that it would be too…sad.

But here you are, sad or not.

You push your food trolley through the halls, forcing a smile. Everything is bright, shockingly so, white and shining and sterile. There is an aura of detachment permeating from every nurse you pass.

You enter the first room. There’s a little boy tucked into a bed, maybe five or six. He’s frail. Blue veins dance along his pale skin. 

“Here, lunch!” You present his tray, trying your hand at a cheerful tone. He looks up at you blankly, and then casts a glance to the food.

You sit down on a plastic chair next to his bed and rack your brains for a conversation starter. You look over to the cheap t.v in the corner. An old cartoon is playing, and your lips quirk upwards when you recognize it.

“So…you like Mickey Mouse?”

He gives you a tiny nod and you decide that’ll be your starting point. You spend your allotted fifteen minutes with him, babbling away about Mickey and Minnie and the Road Runner. 

Eventually, you wave goodbye to the boy and he gives to a soft smile as you go. You decide that your first visit was a victory.

You push the trolley into the next room, and you’re instantly greeted with a bright “Hello there!”.

You make a small, happy sigh, because hopefully this room will be easier, at least in terms of conversation. You pick off the nearest tray and place it next to the patient’s bedside.

The patient is another boy, but this one is older. Significantly older, actually. In fact, he looks about your age.   
He has thinning white hair, and he’s far skinnier than you.

You idly wonder what he’s doing in the children’s ward, but really it doesn’t matter. He’s here, and that’s that.

You settle down on the nearby plastic chair. He’s still smiling over to you, and you try to give a friendly smile back.

“I’m Hinata. I volunteer here. How are you today?”

He lets out a short raspy laugh. “I’m Komaeda. How am I today…? Dying is how, hah! And how are you, Hinata?”

You’re taken aback, and for a long moment your mouth opens and shuts like you’re some kind of fish.

He laughs again, airier this time, and starts to eat without another word.

You watch him, still shocked, and wonder if it’s acceptable for you to stay silent for the whole fifteen minutes, or if you can just leave and go to the next room.

He’s the one to break the silence. 

“So, why do you volunteer here? Compulsory community service?”

“Nah…I just enjoy it, I guess.”

He laughs again, raspy and short, but doesn’t say anything else.

The silence drags on, occasionally filled by the clinking of his knife or fork against his tray.

You glance around his room, tapping your foot absently. You probably can’t talk about Mickey Mouse with this guy…  
He doesn’t have any posters up, or a book on his bedside table, or anything that you can use to start a conversation about. You’ve learnt for best communication with patients, you should ask about something they clearly hold an interest in and let them talk about it while you nod and ask occasional questions.

Neither of you say anything.

You decide to ask the question that’s been playing at the back of your mind since you arrived. 

“You look about my age, so why are you in the children’s ward? I’m just kinda curious.”

He sets down his utensils and looks over to you. He seems to consider for a moment, before responding.

“The doctors decided I should die in a comfortable, familiar place!”

You don’t even know where to start as a response.   
To be honest, you just want to cut off this interaction and move onto the next room, but you know you need to stay longer.

You pick at a stray thread on your jeans and decide to just wait your time out.

“Six months.” Komaeda blurts out a few minutes later. You look up to him, confusion evident on your face.

“That’s how long I’ve got. I’ll be gone before Christmas.” He’s smiling to you, sweetly and innocently.

You’re starting to wonder if he’s purposely trying to mess with you now.

“…Are you scared of it? Isn’t it kinda-- absurd, having a timer on your days?”

“I’m not scared of death, if that’s what you are asking! And no, I suppose it’s comforting in a way. No nasty surprises, Hinata. Just peaceful waiting until the end.”

He’s still smiling, and it’s disconcerting. You just nod to him, giving your best attempt at looking polite.  
You go back to silence, and you hope that he doesn’t say anything else. Really, you should be making small talk with him, but this boy is so…unsettling. Something is off about him, but you can’t place it.

Finally, after an eternity of awkward quietness, it’s time to move onto the next room. You wheel the trolley towards the door, and try to walk out slowly enough to look polite and in control.

“Bye-bye now Hinata! It was fun talking to you!” Komaeda calls out, and you can hear his peal of giggles ringing out as you move along down the hallway.

 

~*~


	2. Visit Two

One volunteer is sick, another is on maternity leave.

And that’s how you end up back in the children’s cancer ward the following week. You tried to decline, telling the head nurse that you wanted to go to any other ward, that you’d even swap with Suzette and go to the mental health ward, because you really do not want to go back there.

The nurse gives you a stern glare and sends you on your way with the food trolley.

You decide that you’re going to do a reverse loop through the ward, and try to leave Komaeda for last. 

As you make your way through the ward, It strikes you as odd how a boy your age can be so calm about death. You’d tried not to think about him, but now that you had to visit again, his disconcerting nature is once again toying with you.

You know that death is inevitable, that you too will die one day, but you know that you’ll live longer, until you have naturally white hair, and naturally thin skin, and perhaps even a natural cynical attitude towards the world and its inhabitants.

The children of the ward are varied in age, but Komaeda is an outlier. The youngest was the very first boy you visited, and the oldest besides Komaeda is a thirteen year old girl.

She’s self-conscious about herself. Her hair has long since fallen out, and she only has light fuzz that pokes out from beneath her bandanna. On your first visit with her, you stiffly told her that she was still pretty without her hair, and she cried.

Perhaps you were tactless, or perhaps she’s just a teenage girl who worries about her appearance.

You drop off the meals to the rooms, and talk to the patients. Most are sweet, some are shy, and you don’t approach the topic of death with any of them. You admittedly don’t know too much about cancer, but you can tell which children are dancing on the border of death, and which children have almost entirely fought off their sickness.

You’ve spent enough time in the hospital to tell which children it’s safe to get attached to, and which children you should keep at a polite, clinical distance.

Too soon, you’re back at Komaeda’s door. You grit your teeth and knock on the door before opening it and pushing the trolley in.

“Ah, how lovely to see you again Hinata!”

“Hello again.”

You hand him the tray and he thanks you. You sit down on the little plastic chair, trying not to pull a face.

“How are you today, Komaeda?” You ask, preparing yourself for another unpleasant answer.

He cocks a thin eyebrow and presses a finger to his lips, pretending to think. “Besides slowly dying, just dandy. Oh! I have a calendar, by the way. It’s to count down to the expected date. Would you like to see it?”

A morbid part of you almost wants to see it, but you decline the offer.   
You’re still wondering if he’s purposely trying to unsettle you, or if this is simply his actual personality.  
He still seems a little odd to you, so you’re leaning towards the latter.

“Hey, so. You’re about my age, aren’t you?”

“I’m seventeen, Hinata!”

“Thought so. So, shouldn’t you be in the regular cancer ward then?”

He pouts. “I thought I already told you-- the doctor said that I should pass away in a familiar place. And he also said the cancer will kill me first, so I should stay somewhere with the best resources for my comfort!”

“…First? What do you mean kill you first?”

“Ah-- I also have a form of early-onset dementia. And while that won’t exactly kill me on it’s own, it’ll make me forget things, so maybe I’ll fall down the stairs because I can’t walk anymore, or get lost on the way from here to the toilet. Oh, maybe I would even forget how to breathe eventually. There are so many ways to die, but the cancer is claiming it! Bad luck, dementia!”

He’s cackling to himself, and you’re even more unsettled. Honestly, he seems like someone you would encounter in the mental health ward, but at least this kind of behavior would be expected there. You would have felt more mentally equipped to deal with his rambling.

At least that explains a little more. You remember being told by one of the nurses when you started volunteering here that dementia could cause both impaired reasoning and personality changes, so that could be what’s causing his weird behavior.

You wish that you could just have a regular conversation with this guy without him reminding you how at ease he is with the concept of dying.


	3. Visit Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You want to ask him again if he’s afraid. 
> 
> You want to ask him how he isn’t scared of death.

The head nurse tells you that many of the children in the ward are fond of you, and are asking when ‘Big bro Hinata’ will come back for visits. It’s comforting to know that you really are leaving an impression on these kids, and that they genuinely appreciate your visits.

She asks if you don’t mind staying at the ward and volunteering there for a longer period, and you accept. You don’t want one patient out of an entire group put you off interactions with the ward.

You go around the same reverse loop, again leaving Komaeda for last.

The girl with the bandanna blushes when she sees you come in, and you laugh and tug her bandanna down over her eyes. She doesn’t say much, but she’s exudes an aura of gratefulness. 

You come to notice which patients get the most visitors. The younger ones are usually surrounded by family, fussing over them and planting kisses on their foreheads.

Some of the older ones aren’t as lucky. Bandanna girl has an older sister who comes in for visits, but she never says much and looks as though she wants to be somewhere else. 

You’ve never seen anyone come in for Komaeda.

Out of curiosity, you check the visitor’s sign in book, and seemingly not a single person has come to visit him in months.

You think about asking him about his parents but you’re paranoid that he’ll say something horrible with such a cheerful smile, as he does.

You decide you might ask him anyway, because your morbid curiosity is overtaking you. 

He sings out his usual cheerful greeting when you push your trolley into his room.

“Nice, uh, weather, hey?” You start.

He stares at you for a long moment. 

“Yes, Hinata. I’m sure the weather is just fabulous. Funnily enough though, I can’t see it.”

Your eyes widen as you look around the room, and you realize that he doesn’t have a window.

“Shi- Sorry! I didn’t realize, I didn’t mean to say something stupid…”

You’re mentally slapping yourself as you sit down next to the bed. He just shrugs at you and holds his hands out for the tray.

You let him eat in silence. You didn’t mean to offend him...

“It really isn’t a problem. Don’t sweat it, Hinata!”

You look over to him, and his expression has softened back into his usual carefree one. You exhale softly, feeling relieved that he isn’t seriously offended.

“So, Komaeda. Do you get many visitors?” You decide to play dumb and see how he’ll respond.

“Nope! Hinata is the only visitor that comes to me!”

“Do your parents live far away or something?”

He laughs, but it’s different to his usual cynical sound. It sounds more hollow. “I guess you could say that.”

You decide that you don’t want to press the matter any further. The nagging worry that he’s going to say something terrible in a light and cheerful way comes back.

He finishes his meal and sets the tray aside.

“Twenty-two more weeks…” He sighs wistfully.

You want to ask him again if he’s afraid. Twenty-two is such a frighteningly small number to you, but it seems that it’s too large for him.

You want to ask him how he isn’t scared of death.


	4. Visit Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your polite smile crawls back onto your face, and you tell him that it really is fine.

Today when you walk in, he’s threading his hair through his fingers, looking as though he’s unpicking knots or finger-combing.

“Ah, hello Hinata!” He tugs his hand away to wave to you and you pretend not to notice the clump of hair that comes out with it.

“Good afternoon.”

Today, you’ve come prepared with a list of topics to discuss, and you’re going to try as hard as you can to steer away from anything morbid.

You count the tiles on the floor while you wait for him to stop eating.

“What’s your favorite book, Komaeda?”

“You can call me Nagito, if you’d like. We’re friends now-- aren’t we?”

Honestly, you wouldn’t call this friendship. More like a precarious tight-rope walk. You’re trying your best not to fall, but every time you shuffle across the cord, are you raising or lowering your chances of tumbling to the ground?

“…Sure. Do you have a favorite though, Ko- Nagito?”

He purses his lips together, looking thoughtful.

“Are you familiar with the author Koushun Takami?” 

You can’t say that you are, so you shake your head.

“His novel Battle Royale is one of my favorites.”

“What’s it about? Samurai, or something?”

“No… a class of students are taken to an island and ordered to kill each other until only one stands.”

God damn it.

“Uh, great. How about…movies?”

He grins up to you. “Would it be a cliché to say Mean Girls?”

It wasn’t what you were expecting, but you’re happy to go with it.

“I think it’s an interesting portrayal of high-school life! Well, not like I’d really know what high-school is like, but I’d like to think it is.”

“How long have you been in hospital for?”

He stretches out his arms, yawning a little. “Perhaps three years now, maybe four?”

Your eyes widen. Personally, you can’t comprehend being stuck in one place for so long without going anywhere. You then remember that he doesn’t even have a window to look out of.

“Hey, why don’t you ask the staff to move you into a room with a nicer view? You could have a window or something.”

“Oh, I used to have a window.”

“Why not anymore then?”  
His eyes gleam as he looks over to you. “Think it over. I’ve been waiting an awfully long time, you see?”

You think you know what he’s implying and you don’t want him to confirm your suspicions. 

“How about you, Hinata?”

You make a small hum of confusion and he continues.

“Do you have a favorite book? Or film?”

You just shrug, because you can’t really say you do.

“How plain.” He giggles softly. You don’t reply, because it’s kinda true.

He goes back to running his hands idly through his hair. More clumps are dragged out.

“Look, Hinata. My hair is all falling out.” He holds his hands out to show you the strands entwined around his fingers.

“It is.” You observe flatly.

“Maybe I’ll ask for a beanie soon.” He mutters, and you aren’t sure if he wants a response. You just nod and give a small smile.

You start to gather up the tray and leftovers and begin to wheel the trolley away. He calls out to you before you push the door open.’

He’s looking down at the floor, biting his lip. You wait in silence.

“…Thank you for coming, Hinata. Really. Thank you so much.”

Your polite smile crawls back onto your face, and you tell him that it really is fine.

You wonder if he knows that you’re obligated to spend time with him.

 

~*~


	5. Visit Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tells you that his illness is terminal, but you already knew that.

Bandanna girl tells you that her name is Belinda. She tells you that her parents live six hours away, and she stays here because this is the closest hospital with reasonable resources for cancer. She tells you that her older sister studies at a college in the next city over, but she’s busy and can’t visit very often.

The head nurse tells you that Belinda’s been in the hospital for just under a year now, and that she’s recently relapsed. 

The head nurse also tells you that Komaeda has been staying in the hospital for about three and a half years, and that when he was first admitted he’d receive visits and cards and packages from his classmates, but that no-one has regularly visited him for at least a year now. You feel an odd pang in your heart, and you can’t tell if it’s sympathy, pity, or sadness. Perhaps a mixture.

She confirms why he isn’t allowed to have a window in his room anymore, and tells you that for a few months he would try to hoard his painkillers under his pillow. It isn’t pleasant to hear.

She tells you that his illness is terminal, but you already knew that. She agrees that he has approximately six more months at this rate, give or take several weeks.

 

~*~

 

You bring one of your old beanies for him on your next visit. It’s blue, knitted, and a little itchy. You don’t have any use for it, and decide that he’ll appreciate it more than you would.

And indeed he does. He puts it on as soon as you give it to him, smiling up to you with bright eyes like you’re some benevolent god.  
He fusses with the beanie, trying to get it to sit comfortably. You’re not an expert but one of your friends usually wears one, so you think you know what to do. You reach across to his head and shift it back a little, tucking a few strands of hair underneath it, and then pluck out a few sections from the front to frame his face.

When you pull your hands away, you notice that there are more than a few stray strands knotted between you fingers. You pull them off and brush them away when you think he’s not looking.

“Now I can die happily, Hinata!” He sighs blissfully as he fingers the stitching.   
This particular mannerism is not as unsettling anymore, but it’s still not pleasant.

You’ve figured that it’s probably a game to him, to mess with people. And you don’t really blame him-- if you were stuck in one room for years, you would probably resort to mind games for entertainment too.

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. This is all I've got for now.
> 
> This story has been through a bit of a cycle for me-- I considered completely abandoning it, but I haven't, as of yet.  
> Aaaand then I had to take it down because 'reasons'.
> 
> Don't know when the next updates will be. I don't think I'll abandon this, but it isn't one of my priorities right now. I just wanted to get this back out here.

**Author's Note:**

> Now hiring:   
> A beta reader. Must be willing to deal with my putting-off of my own deadlines and habit of refusing to sleep once I've got into a writing groove.   
> Will be paid with my dankest memes and unspoken gratitude.
> 
>  
> 
> Hmu on Tumblr anytime, I'm @flamegrilledludenburger yo  
> (I'm v lonely and like to talk abt my headcanons and Komahina lmao)


End file.
